Dreamy Dance Part 2

Meditating and pulling tricks out of my bag of healing tools, I pull myself up to a more neutral state. Better.

I accomplished quite a bit that day before going to hoop class, where I feel like a fairy goddess with incredible confidence and grace, control and skill. Then it dawned on me, “I wish I had as much confidence in my business as I do on aerial hoop” I blurted out in the class. They sort of stair at me and ask what I do. I told them and they sort of shrugged and said “cool” before returning their attention to their hoops. The dredge of judgment and feeling not good enough began to return.

That night I meditated before bed, grateful tomorrow was tuesday because that meant 5 rhythms and what ever was stuck would finally move.

Walking up to the sound of the garbage collectors, I abandoned my dream to run down stairs and put my bins out on the street for collection, just in time. Climbing back into my bed curled up with my macbook I began typing out my dream.

In my dream I was some where beautiful, set in nature. Green deciduous trees and hills and vibrant green grass. I was visiting a girlfriend's family in the mountains, upstate New York looking. It was such a lovely day the whole family decided to go to the park. We were having a wonderful time, then I saw a guy I fell in love with 10 years ago, who I will call Romeo, a face I haven't seen in dreams or other wise for years.

In my dream he was sitting in the sun with his shirt off talking to his friend. As I walked it sunk in who I just passed. I stopped and said his name, incredulously, out loud as I realised who he was. I turned and he looked up, we smiled and said hello. I was about to continue walking with my friend, when he said sarcastically “Oh, so you're just going to walk away? No love for an old friend? I see.” the combination of his emotions expressed through sarcasm and fear of rejection made me smile and I turned to my friend and she nodded that it was okay. She told me she was going back to the courts where her parents where.

Romeo and I took a walk. Up the trails talking, catching up, laughing. We had a closeness of old friends, as we walked. I invited him back to the house for a late lunch. When we arrived he knew the place but said nothing. I showed him around, and in the back garden he kissed me... I allowed him to. It was a sweet kiss, melted me a bit, I felt happy, innocent. We continued to walk to the other end of the garden when my friend asked me if I would go in and help her with something. Which I, of course, did.

After some time I wondered where Romeo had gone and I went back to the far door to the garden. I didn't see him at first, then I heard something and went outside to find my friend's father kissing, fully on making-out with this pink tube-top wearing, slutty, drugged out looking girl. I heard a noise from just inside, and found Romeo slumped on a closed toilet seat, trying to put his clothes on, looking really off his face. My friend came up behind me and saw this, “Oh, no! Tammy's here.” I looked at her “He's been making out with Tammy,” my friend explained to me “she's so doped up you get a high from her saliva.” My friend looked outside and saw her dad and exasperated when to intervene.

I was furious! I was angry about Romeo kissing another girl when he had just kissed me. And he kissed me!!! I was angry that my friend's dad then kissed the same girl when his wife was in the other room making us all lunch.

Romeo stumbled to his feet, “I should go” he said.

As he wobbled to the front door. My friend's mom came out of the kitchen. And started laughing. “Oh, Tammy again.” she snickered.

I lashed out, “It's not so funny, Walt is making-out with her now.” This made her laugh more and replied “She's a drug, not love, it's addiction. So what do I care, we've been together long enough I know where his heart is.” I was still angry in my dream as I went out the door after Romeo.

He was walking with a distinct wobble as he tried to find his car to drive back to the park. I didn't let him drive and walked with him back to the park. Just before the park was a swimming pool, and for some reason we had to walk through the swimming pool area to get to the park. We were naked as we walked along the side of this very, very large swimming pool. Romeo was walking better, though we still had to walk carefully as the floor was slippery. When we neared the end of the large room we had to pass through dressing rooms to get to the park.

Just before we reached the dressing rooms Romeo slipped and I caught him. I held him up on the slippery floor helping him to find his balance while guiding him to the entrance of the dressing room. Our naked skin touching was innocently intimate, not sexual. I was helping him stay standing, my arms wrapped around his waist from behind, using the weight of my body to hold him up. I was vulnerable yet felt sure footed even though the ground was slippery.

When we finally got in the dressing room, we were showered off by automated showers along a conveyer then into a drying room, then dressed in these futuristic playsuits. As we walked out of the dressing rooms into the park, my anger had gone. It was all okay and we both felt some how different. Better.

Then I heard the garbage truck and I awoke and ran down stairs and outside.