ET Contact Meditation: Opening up to Great Awareness

I did an ET contact meditation last night. I woke up in the night with very strong vibration in my lower heart, very intense. Wasn't sure what was going on, then the energy grew more intense , like what I imagine glowing to feel like, I felt it shoot down my arms into my hands, which went very stiff, then my mouth went very wide and down and a silent roar came out. This happened twice more. Then I had an experience was like I was being scanned by a familiar voice I've known as myself (not my personality, which is a whole other some what confusing topic) to find out what was going on, then I repeated only beings of love, joy and light with intentions of our highest good may enter, the energy subsided  the third time I said this and I called arch angle Michael. (This all just happened, there was no thinking about what to do, it just happened) I Closed down my openness and went to sleep repeating only love joy and light. I could feel the fear in my body and soothed it with these words as I fell back asleep. I could feel the other beings in the room and see some of their energetic outlines. I didn't pay too much attention to them, as I wanted to go back to sleep and them to leave. 

I'm not sure what I was expecting, though obviously not that. I'm left feeling sore where my sternum is and the surrounding area, like I worked out last night (which I didn't not physically). I also feel drained and a bit shaky. I'm divided to be honest. Part of me doesn't know what to make of this and it's a bit freaked out by it all... another part feels calm and in understanding. This part knows: 

The energy felt reptilian, lower vibration earth plane et's trying to make contact. The heart pulses threw the et out as they cannot exist in an unconditional love vibration of the 4d+5d vibration which I fluctuate in and out of. I have channeled my whole life with a being (group of beings) who are one. They are known to be as me, as I have always known them, yet they are not my personality which feels fear and has struggled with these gifts and sensitivities, especially as a young child. We are the holders and keepers of this universe. You are one of our representatives on the earth plane. You are so brave and loving to have chosen to come and embody... and continue to embody more fully. You will continue to grow in love harmony vibration to be able to embody us all. We will embody through you as one, this integration has already begun.   

(I started channeling in the above paragraph and have not edited it.) 

As I type this tears are streaming out of my eyes. I feel a gentle pulse in my heart... and I have this feeling of needing to share this with some one who understands and won't think I'm crazy. A  very talented psychic told me once that I'm a walk in, yet the original soul hasn't left. She tried to "fix" that... yet what happened is it allowed the (not personality me) to embody more fully... and the me that was born in this body is still here. We exist together. 

SO the channel is open and more insight is gained by the part of me I experience as my personality. Certain things start to make sense and become clearer. 

 Any thoughts, insight, feedback, and discourse welcome.

Dreamy Dance Part 3

From the perspective of being awake, I can see the dream had come to a close. However, while I was waking up I really wanted to stay in the dream. The perspective was I had just gotten to this new bit where I felt better and free and I wanted to explore. I can see now a whole cycle had completed and it was indeed time for me to wake up.

I really enjoy dreaming. There's a part of me that wishes I could dream all day, just stay asleep. Indeed that part felt a bit sad that I was awake and I felt the desire to return to sleep. Why do I like to dream so much? Why do I prefer dreams to life? Are the questions I asked myself as I wrote my dream down. Little did I know these questions were soon to be answered.

Off I went to 5 rhythms to dance myself into clarity. My thoughts full of my dreams over the past couple days. Mr. Dreamy, Romeo, Wasband (my ex-husband), Mr. Can-opener (another man I fell in love with a couple years ago),a potential someone new. My head was full, so I reached into my bag of tools and repeated over and over clearing statements. Clarity began to seep into my mind. When I got to the dance there was practically no parking, which is unusual... my mantra of clearing statements falling from my lips, the air around me feeling palpably magical.

I entered the dance and there at the entrance a friend who I haven't seen in months greeted me! We embraced and he told me he was there to meet our mutual friend Mr. Can-opener. My heart thumped excitedly in my chest. On the dance floor I stretched my neck, arms, torso, hips, legs. I love to dance as wildly and free as I can possibly be, so warming my muscles it a must in order to take care of my body. I love my body so dearly, it is capable of such amazing things.

As I stepped into my dance on the 5 rhythms floor, I saw Mr. Can-opener and smiled. My dance flowed to a corner of the room where a man, who bared such a likeness to Mr. Dreamy I had to look twice, danced and moved in a similar way to him. I was gob smacked by synchronisities of the evening and I had only been there a matter of minutes. As I moved and danced there was another man there who resembled one of the men I danced with in my dream. So I danced with all of the emotions of these men I love, which carried me over to a woman. We moved and danced and writhed with one another our dance becoming ecstatic and sensual, sexual even. When one of us moved away still we danced together across the large room.

Suddenly in a moment I had clarity. I didn't want to dance with Mr. Dreamy's, though I felt the tenderness and love. I enjoyed flirting with the dancer of my dream, yet didn't want to dance with him either. I tried to dance with Mr. Can-opener yet our connection wasn't synching, so I didn't really want to dance with him either. I looked around the room and realised I was free. Free to dance with whom ever I choose without the ghosts of past loves haunting me. Free from wondering about what could have been. Free!!!

I dropped deeper into the sexy sensual snake like dance with the woman, we dropped to the floor and writhed and spun and rolled, a mess of legs and arms and hair. I was free. Bliss coursed through me as though it were my blood. Air felt exquisite in my lungs. I saw my friend who greeted me at the door and became self-conscious as though I were dancing this way in front of my father, then it disappeared and came back like waves these feels washed over me and subsided till I saw clearly a pattern.

Every 10 years I have had an intense love affair with someone for a brief time, then we go very far away from one another (geographically) and the relationship stagnates. The first man was my father. The waves of self awareness of my dance disappeared completely and it was just me, my breath, and the dance. I grounded deeply down into stillness, one leg, then the other in a trance like state of beingness. 

I saw Mr. Can-opener, his body thin, his eyes sullen, his heart in such sorrow... I witnessed Mr. Can-opener. I placed my hand on his heart and felt compassion as though my body and being were but a vessel. We met in stillness. Our breath, our bodies, swaying to the music finding our rhythm once more as we have so many times before. Even when the music stopped we swayed on to our rhythm, in connection and love and comfort.

That evening when I returned home, Mr. Dreamy found me on skype. We chatted for the first time in months. It was lovely and more clarity appeared. I could see why I loved him and why I loved being with him and also why he is far away and I am here. I saw why my Wasband and I haven't been able to make a romantic relationship work. I saw myself, and what I truly and simply desire. Positivity, Love, Joy, Abundance. Only those who allow this to grow, who aid and nurture and support the me I enjoy being are the people who I choose to open my vulnerable, beautiful, giving heart to. This is my truth, discovered in the dance between dreams. 

Dreamy Dance Part 2

Meditating and pulling tricks out of my bag of healing tools, I pull myself up to a more neutral state. Better.

I accomplished quite a bit that day before going to hoop class, where I feel like a fairy goddess with incredible confidence and grace, control and skill. Then it dawned on me, “I wish I had as much confidence in my business as I do on aerial hoop” I blurted out in the class. They sort of stair at me and ask what I do. I told them and they sort of shrugged and said “cool” before returning their attention to their hoops. The dredge of judgment and feeling not good enough began to return.

That night I meditated before bed, grateful tomorrow was tuesday because that meant 5 rhythms and what ever was stuck would finally move.

Walking up to the sound of the garbage collectors, I abandoned my dream to run down stairs and put my bins out on the street for collection, just in time. Climbing back into my bed curled up with my macbook I began typing out my dream.

In my dream I was some where beautiful, set in nature. Green deciduous trees and hills and vibrant green grass. I was visiting a girlfriend's family in the mountains, upstate New York looking. It was such a lovely day the whole family decided to go to the park. We were having a wonderful time, then I saw a guy I fell in love with 10 years ago, who I will call Romeo, a face I haven't seen in dreams or other wise for years.

In my dream he was sitting in the sun with his shirt off talking to his friend. As I walked it sunk in who I just passed. I stopped and said his name, incredulously, out loud as I realised who he was. I turned and he looked up, we smiled and said hello. I was about to continue walking with my friend, when he said sarcastically “Oh, so you're just going to walk away? No love for an old friend? I see.” the combination of his emotions expressed through sarcasm and fear of rejection made me smile and I turned to my friend and she nodded that it was okay. She told me she was going back to the courts where her parents where.

Romeo and I took a walk. Up the trails talking, catching up, laughing. We had a closeness of old friends, as we walked. I invited him back to the house for a late lunch. When we arrived he knew the place but said nothing. I showed him around, and in the back garden he kissed me... I allowed him to. It was a sweet kiss, melted me a bit, I felt happy, innocent. We continued to walk to the other end of the garden when my friend asked me if I would go in and help her with something. Which I, of course, did.

After some time I wondered where Romeo had gone and I went back to the far door to the garden. I didn't see him at first, then I heard something and went outside to find my friend's father kissing, fully on making-out with this pink tube-top wearing, slutty, drugged out looking girl. I heard a noise from just inside, and found Romeo slumped on a closed toilet seat, trying to put his clothes on, looking really off his face. My friend came up behind me and saw this, “Oh, no! Tammy's here.” I looked at her “He's been making out with Tammy,” my friend explained to me “she's so doped up you get a high from her saliva.” My friend looked outside and saw her dad and exasperated when to intervene.

I was furious! I was angry about Romeo kissing another girl when he had just kissed me. And he kissed me!!! I was angry that my friend's dad then kissed the same girl when his wife was in the other room making us all lunch.

Romeo stumbled to his feet, “I should go” he said.

As he wobbled to the front door. My friend's mom came out of the kitchen. And started laughing. “Oh, Tammy again.” she snickered.

I lashed out, “It's not so funny, Walt is making-out with her now.” This made her laugh more and replied “She's a drug, not love, it's addiction. So what do I care, we've been together long enough I know where his heart is.” I was still angry in my dream as I went out the door after Romeo.

He was walking with a distinct wobble as he tried to find his car to drive back to the park. I didn't let him drive and walked with him back to the park. Just before the park was a swimming pool, and for some reason we had to walk through the swimming pool area to get to the park. We were naked as we walked along the side of this very, very large swimming pool. Romeo was walking better, though we still had to walk carefully as the floor was slippery. When we neared the end of the large room we had to pass through dressing rooms to get to the park.

Just before we reached the dressing rooms Romeo slipped and I caught him. I held him up on the slippery floor helping him to find his balance while guiding him to the entrance of the dressing room. Our naked skin touching was innocently intimate, not sexual. I was helping him stay standing, my arms wrapped around his waist from behind, using the weight of my body to hold him up. I was vulnerable yet felt sure footed even though the ground was slippery.

When we finally got in the dressing room, we were showered off by automated showers along a conveyer then into a drying room, then dressed in these futuristic playsuits. As we walked out of the dressing rooms into the park, my anger had gone. It was all okay and we both felt some how different. Better.

Then I heard the garbage truck and I awoke and ran down stairs and outside. 

Dreamy Dance Part 1

My dreams this week have been vivid and so guiding. It's like I become more myself as I integrate what needs to happen in my subconscious while I sleep. At first, I felt great emotional pain as I longed to feel the freedom and love I was receiving in my dream... I longed to just stay asleep. SO I tried that for a day. I kept taking naps, at first it worked and then nothing. No dreams. The rest of me decidedly disagreed with that tactic.

Let me tell you about this dream I so longingly wanted to return to.

A new friend and I were at a community meeting in hawaii or bali, where a man I fell in love with last year, let's call him Mr. Dreamy, and his partner were the heading it. It was great and positive and we all knew our place and our roll. After, I went up to him, hadn't seen him in such a long time and we connected as beautifully as we had before as if no time had passed, words were few.

As my friend and I were leaving to get some food and grow our friendship, I stopped and said I had to go back and just tell him I love him. She patiently waited and witnessed. As I walked back one of his friends came up to me, gave me a hug and we danced this beautiful sensual flowing dance together, it was bliss and I was totally present with him and swept away. Yet when the dance came to an end my heart still desired Mr. Dreamy.

I took more steps toward him and another man came up to me to say hello and gave me a hug and we danced beautifully more energetic and sexually charged. Again bliss to experience as I was totally present and everything melted away in the bliss of the dance. I loved how my head fit on their shoulders and how our bodies moved in synchronise rhythm and intuitive knowing of one another's bodies. Yet still, when the dance ended I walked toward Mr. Dreamy.

Though he may be taller and not a fluid dancer, my heart still brought me to him. We met again, our connection electric, gentle, beautiful I said hello, he said hello, told me I am a beautiful dancer... I told him I loved him and he smiled gently with relief and we kissed. The kiss turned the dream into a whirl of colours and bliss.

When I landed my friend and I were then walking down the street to a cafe, laughing, talking, planning something... bonding.

It was such a lovely dream, though I woke up and with such grief and longing to return to it. From this I understood how I am shedding grief and all that keeps me from receiving the love and light of the universe and earth. So I can create my dreams in physical reality. I am a work in progress as we all are. I have allowed the universe to fill me up in small moments, which grow bigger and bigger with every new experience I allow.

The magic continued into waking life as I decided to wake up and get a grip...... 

FORGIVENESS: A PATH OF LOVE

Do we really know what it means to forgive?

Forgiveness has been a frequent visitor in my life, especially this year. I hear the messages the universe (and my higher self) send to me and continue to move further and deeper in the layers and levels of forgiveness. It first came powerfully into my conscious mind this year, when I visited Thailand and had a phenomenal and magical session with Mai, the local shaman-healer-massage woman in Haad Yuan, Koh Phangan.  Since then, forgiveness has been a practice for me throughout the year with amazing results and has brought ease and abundance. In this experience I have found two parts along the path of forgiveness, organic forgiveness and sought forgiveness.

As children most of us had parents that 'made us' apologise when we had hurt another.  It became something almost mechanical instead of genuine. I see this still with children, the difference between saying "I'm sorry" flippantly (- there it’s been said now we can get on with the business of playing) and a genuine remorse “I’m sorry” (-I feel pain for the pain I caused, and wish to make amends)  When the words are spoken without the genuine feelings the hurt party tends to hold a resentment or retaliate. However, when I have experienced and witness the second type of apology, forgiveness from the harmed party seems to flow naturally, easily and love flows smoothly.

What happens when: the genuine apology never comes? Or, when someone doesn’t know they’ve done anything to apologize for? Or, when someone apologises for something that felt good to you, leaving a feeling of rejection and/or confusion?
Sometimes the tender, innocent part of ourself is hurt and the reason for hurt becomes elusive to our mind, till resolution and peace is found in our heart. Often the story we have about what happened or why we’re upset is not the reality, but a reality, the upset tends to be much deeper and far more simple than the stories we create around our hurt.  
As we move deeper through the layers of self, what happens when one’s parents are the antagonists and there is no internal reference point for genuine forgiveness. Where one has hurt connected to the experience of love and does not, possibly cannot, consciously know of the hurt inside that is asking to be seen and loved and to forgive?  

When our base line for love is connected to hurt, life can become a confusing and negative patterns seemingly impossible to break. Especially, when forgiving one's self, often the hardest person to forgive. The solution can be simple. Having an experience of love connected to feeling good, gentle, healthy. However, creating a space to experience this may be more difficult.  On one of the last days of training in Birth Into Being, I sat up and blurted out “Oh my god! I didn’t know easy was on the menu of life!”  If we don’t know it’s available, we will never choose it.

When we seek within to forgive, sometimes we have to forgive the same person over and over. It is arrogant to believe that working on something means it’s healed or fixed forever and there is nothing more to do. I have seen and experienced countless times when I or another says “I’ve already looked at this, it’s done and healed, I don’t want to look at it again” Only to find by looking again at a relationship, a deeper healing and forgiveness happens. There does come a point when a previously hurt relationship becomes healthy, and when this happens there is no resistance to looking at the relationship.

I’m not advocating digging up and rehashing painful memories to wallow in your pain-body, AT ALL!  I am advocating taking honest stock of what you are holding in your physical and emotional bodies.  Seeing what you’re aware of, what you didn’t know you were aware of till you had a look, and what you can detect but are not aware of (through your shadow friends: resistance, fear, tiredness, resistance, etc).  It seems most of what we experience in life is a subconscious replaying of patterns, like we are hypnotised to act and react in certain ways, which lead to different types of dis-ease until such time as we are able to become aware of the unseen truths behind the stories we tell and believe.

In my estimation forgiveness is the doorway to freedom and enlightenment for yourself. Enlightenment is seen in a variety of ways by different cultures. The running theme through them all is to become more present to yourself and others by becoming more present to love consciousness (the universal essence energy that is everything) to the point where one experiences others as themselves. Enlightenment seems to literally lighten a person, they feel lighter mentally, emotionally and physically.     

“I seek my own enlightenment for the sake of others.”

—	Bodhisattva vow

To hold (whether aware or subconscious) hurt and anger in one or more of your bodies (mental, emotional and physical) is to carry a weight around with you. It’s like having a splinter, your skin will naturally over time eject the splinter and until it is out, there is an irritation or even pain that you feel until it is ejected out of the body or you pull it out with tweezers.  In this analogy the splinter is the hurt one holds onto, the tweezers are forgiveness. Forgiveness will happen naturally, and we have the choice to let our patterns run and ‘deal’ with the pain over time, till we find we’ve forgiven. Or, we can sit down and have a look under a magnifying glass and pull out  hurt with our tweezers of acceptance, compassion and forgiveness.

Current Lessons Of Life Condensed

♥ Awareness is the first step ♥ 

♥ Breath ♥ 

♥ Clarity ♥ 

♥ Action ♥ 

♥ All in the Flow of Co-Creation ♥

 

“When a coincidence and synchronicity collide, two apparently unbound events happen at the same time in the same place -what is known as a serendipity happens, what is otherwise described by the uninitiated as 'luck'.

To become initiated you must be capable of engineering synchronicities and coincidences or at least prompt or nurture

them. Whoever has the greatest possibility of processing their past, present and future to support exercise of as free a will as possible will typically be coordinating events across space, time and consciousness and slowly facilitating their gravitation towards one another into synchronicities, coincidences, serendipity and an inevitable, chosen, destiny." ~Jazz Rasool

“Courage, the original definition of courage when it first came into the English language- it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart - and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart…

This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, a

nd I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, ‘Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?’ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ‘I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.’”

~ Quote by Brene Brown, speaking about The Power of Vulnerability at TED

 "The more conscious I become the more work I am required to do." ~Avi Esther Shekinah

Hard lesson, but useful and humbling.

If life is getting easier you are not growing but simply getting comfortable. Challenge and Stretch always accompanies growth. If you are growing then your Past and Present will Support you more and more, challenging you less and less while your future will Challenge you more and more Stretching and Expanding your potential. If your future is getting easier or your past is getting harder..you're going the wrong way! ~Jazz Rasool

There is so much going on at the moment. I'm remaking my website, hosting a number of events, organizing, clearing out and cleaning up my house, launching a new promotion, seeing clients, reconnecting to friends and making new ones as well as letting go of connections that no longer serve (and for that allowing the space for grieving and rejoicing) AND that's just some of what I'm doing. 

There's also the being part of it all.... Being more present with my kids, showing up, on time with and for them. Making mediation a DAILY practice and allowing exercise to be part of that DAILY practice. When I have a daily practice I find my emotions are easy to allow to move through and I am joyful and in peace consistently... and this requires practice and diligence and well the development of mastery. Mastery over myself. 

Awareness is the first step. Breath carries me through to clarity and love. From clarity and love I can take actions that activate joy and love even more in myself and others, which brings abundance and the feeling of thriving. Often this coincides and synchronises with something and someone and I know I am co-creating with the universe. 

Till I have the space to write and share more... I love you all.... In my own way. 

Upon my Return

OMG! (yes OM My Goddess)!

It has been so long since I last wrote on my computer, to all you amazing wonderful people who have read and will read my words of self discovery and transparency of who I am. As I look back over the entries, both here and in my paper journals I clearly see the theme of romance and my longing for men....ultimately for my father.  After my long adventures in Thailand and California, I feel a shift from my focus being on, ‘in love with some man’ to ‘being happy and whole in myself and the work I offer in this world’. The axis of my world is shifting and there is no going back.

How I would like to tell you of my journeys and every time I sit to write something new has happened, so I am just writing and will interweave the tales of my travels here and as I continue to write to you all.

My marriage officially ended on Beltane, May 1st 2012 which synchronised with the day I began assisting my teacher, Elena Tonetti-Vladimerova as she trained a new group of apprentices. The experience of assisting was magical. I played with being totally me, totally transparent, and full of the loving joy that bursts and flows and trickles out of me. I played with the questions of “how big is too big?”  “If show all of me big and small, will I still be accepted and loved?” “can I let go of wanting my father to show up for me and accept everything as it has been and is?”

Along my journey I experienced answers to these questions and found new questions. The most amazing experience answer happened once I returned home. The answer to a question I last asked in December. In a flood of despair and tears I blurted out to God(dess) “I just want to be happy, how do I do that?” Genuinely happy, from the inside, not the mask of joy. Here is the answer I received in through my journey.

Since I returned back to the UK June 6th, Venus transit, all my attachments have been challenged. My attachments to: living with my children, my right to care for my children, having a physical home to live in, money coming in, and knowing what to do or how to fix these perceived losses. The first thing I did was cry, I mean sob for 2 ½ hours while I danced on the 5 rhythms dance floor, in Chalk Farm. I felt like something inside me was dying. I moved the emotions in my body and let them go, let them leave. Then I grew clear that this really fucking bugged me (as I had been bitten quite badly at night where I was sleeping) and I didn’t like it, I simply accepted this. Joy returned to my heart and I centred myself in peace. I allowed the universe to guide me through my friends, to a good place to stay while I allow something more permanent to manifest.

[I’d like to be clear about my beliefs on manifesting. It is both me manifesting and allowing what I experience and others who come forward with the mutual benefit of what is being created between us. I take responsibility for my part and send gratitude for their part and love both of us. perceived good and bad alike. Ultimately the universe is always listening and providing what we ask for. The clearer the channel and question, the clearer the response.]

So in this physical space of ‘not having’ what I previously believed I needed, I am genuinely happy. I have stayed happy and centred and shared my joy with everybody.. freely. So Happiness isn’t about having something, even as dear as being home with my children. It’s a feeling that is inside, just like peace and it’s always there regardless of anything outside of self. What I am even more clear about is, I like and enjoy living with my kids and being supported with them. I like and enjoy supporting others, especially children! I like and enjoy having a stable home and comfortable bed. I like and enjoy having lots of money!
There is enough of everything.

By letting go of the things I identified myself with, I feel free to fully express me. To live transparently and in integrity with my set of values, while respecting and honouring those around me. This was fully made real when I crashed my car. In a single moment I found myself spun around in the middle of a cross roads, shaken and in shock and completely safe, unharmed. The front of my car was completely smashed. The guy in the big Land Rover (which seemed unharmed) was concerned and very kind, we even hugged before parting. He helped me out of my car and his friend then happened to show up and helped my car out of the middle of the cross roads. I am aware of how two men in big Land Roving trucks helped me, and how receptive of their help I was. I sat in the grass on the side of the country lane and felt the ground under me, touching the soil with my hands. I pulled at the tall grass and cursed and released the anger that arose. Tears streamed out of my eyes and I stayed totally present with the shock I felt, as I exchanged information with the person who I ran into, then accepted a ride with the friend, to my friends a short distance away.

That evening was beautiful and I was taken care of by my friend and her husband. They kept beautiful company and I was graciously received. It was wonderful to just be as I was, and be transparent and vulnerable and speak honestly. To listen to them and respond clearly. I am abundantly grateful to them for their kindness and for the friends I have, new ones and old ones alike. I feel truly blessed and am letting go more and more of the idea, I have to do it alone. I am growing more comfortable with knowing I can ask for help when I need it, and be available to receiving it. I am settling into the community I have around me (here and globally), and finding my place.

here comes a song....•♪♫• Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold. A circle’s round it has no end, and that’s how long I will be your friend.•♪♫•

I stayed at theirs over night, in the morning, I called the insurance company to be told there is nothing they can do about it. The woman on the phone apologized for 2 minutes straight, even when I said “It’s not your fault, it’s the insurance company, they’re just evil. I hope you have a really nice day.” All she could say was “I’m sorry”. I guess I needed to hear that a couple hundred times. My friend and I drove out to my car, left broken on the side of the road. I pushed the parts that hung on the ground up, and drove my car back home.... slowly. I felt shame rise up as I drove then the hurried desire to just be where I was going as I turned the last corner to the village I live in. How I saw patterns run within me. The presence, attention and love I gave to myself moved the emotions and shifted the patterns out, and patience grew.

That evening at sunset I sat in the garden and ‘I want to die’ came out in my thoughts. I gave it my loving attention and asked myself “Do you want to die?” I asked all the parts of me and heard ‘no’ from my body, ‘no’ from my heart, ‘I want to go home’ from my spirit. So I said “Go home, then” Cool energy flooded my heart and flowed down my arms. “That’s it!” an epiphany and a whole stream of images from my life passed before my inner eye. “I choose to be Alive, and Fully Thrive.” hot energy moved up from the earth through my feet up my legs as cool energy flowed down my scalp moving in spirals up and down my body culminating in my heart and out my arms. My body vibrated and glowed. “I choose to be Alive, and Fully Thrive.” Deep breaths as I settled into the intensity.  I had never really 100% in alignment made that choice. Now I have.

In this experience I let go of my car, the scrap man is coming around to pick it up and will give me £150 to take care of my car. I let go of the part of me that wanted to die, and moved in love and life.

This is only part of all that has happened since my return, the story continues with even more magic and shifting free....... more to follow soon <3